top ten reasons why i'm better for bob the bachelor
September 24, 2003, 11:06 pm

10. I look better in red than all of those chicks.

9. Unlike all of them, my laughter is genuine when Bob says something is funny, not forced or silly.

8. I promise not to wear any dress that emphasizes the water-wing quality of my tits. (Hello! Cristi? Dress was NOT flattering, you tart.)

7. I wouldn't be so fucking rude as to interrupt him in mid-sentence to "steal him away for a few seconds." Period. Amen.

6. I wouldn't ask him to marry me or ask for a kiss within five seconds of meeting him; I would, however, ask him what his favorite baseball team was, and if he said the Yankees, I'd turn down the rose. I'm not kidding, folks, this is SERIOUS business.

5. Two words: matching shoes, bag, and wrap.

4. I teach high school, not elementary school; I can relate to kids on an adult level rather than acting like a three year old all the time.

3. I use my college degrees for awesome, not to be someone's administrative lackey with no personality.

2. Who do you know that has a better sense of humor than me? That's right...NOBODY. Done. Search is over.

1. I solemnly promise to never utter words "connection", "journey", or "fate" when on the show.

And not that this matters, but the ring? Seriously? Exactly what I want my ring to look like someday. No, really, EXACTLY. Not that it matters.

I was NOT impressed with the Bob's selection of ladies, either. I mean, honestly, Kelli-Jo? Perhaps she got a sympathy rose tonight because he kissed her, but I don't see her staying. If she and Leann are the last two, I'm dumping Bob for good.

I'm getting the basic bead on what passes for a "great" personality for reality television: skinny, vapid, and pretty. That's about it. The only cool chick that seemed self-confident and fun and ready to party? The lawyer? Didn't make the cut. That's a damn shame. The bitchiest girls with the worst manners DID. Disappointing at best. I'm starting to question Bob's motives.

If this keeps up, I may have to end it between us.

Nah, he'll come crawling back.

This entry is shaping up to be as weird as the one I wrote at 2:14am this morning when I couldn't sleep. Remind me to never do THAT again. Thanks.

A bunch of my students are coming to the movie premiere. They're all going to freak out when they see that Brettski is my date; they're convinced already that I'm having an affair with just about every young male teacher at the school. Now I know how Bennifer feels...*sigh*

Off to go grab a Versace dress...