at least i'm more interesting than mc skat cat, or whatever
October 23, 2003, 9:53 pm

Tonight I rocked my velvetish hot print black top, black flare pants, and did a flippy-flippy thing with my hair. I piled on the eye makeup, shoved my feet into hot shoes, did a once over with some lip gloss on my now herpes-free lips. Hot to trot in my slutty outfit, I scampered out the door and told Mom not to wait up. Yes, my date tonight was none other than...being Paula Abdul.

Yeah, I judged the "American Idol" contest at school.

I have to say that I played the part as convincingly as I could, despite NOT breaking into "Cold-Hearted Snake" and writhing all around the stage. I managed to get a few shout-outs from my pizeeps in da faheezy fo'sheezy, and I did get a huge round of applause when announced as a judge, to my fame-whore lovin' self.

The kids, I must say, rocked.

I have a few of the participants in class (tonight was the semi-finals; tomorrow is the finals), and they all were outstanding. Not that I'm playing favorites, but my boy K__ made me cry with his R&B cover of "Superstar" by the Carpenters, and T__ sounds EXACTLY like a young Stevie Wonder.

There are some talented, talented kids at my school, and I got to judge them on their musical ability, something I do not possess and have no knowledge about (as anyone who has heard me sing before can attest); I ended up saying lots of things like, "Girl, you SANG that song!" and "Man, I want some purple sparkly pants, too!" and "You made me cry, you bastard!" (Well, not verbatim, but close.)

Yeah, so I was just like Paula...which is kind of like admitting that I'm just as interesting and original as low-calorie Italian bread with nothing on it.

Oh well, "Cold-Hearted Snake" is still a good song and a hot video (inspired by All That Jazz, no less).

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Nice try, S-M-R, but you're full of shit.

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And furthermore, rumors of my romantic involvement with a host of prominent and super cool, amazing, and awesome diarylanders have been greatly exaggerated...by me. C'mon now people, you know me well-enough that I'd be squawking my heart out if anything transpired. Get with it, folks!

YAY DAVE! It's about fucking time, dude.