i will not hit kids or throw things or spit on the floor
October 27, 2003, 9:30 pm

"What's wrong?"

"Mom, I don't want to go to school. Nevermind, I CAN'T go to school."

"Why not? What's wrong? Why are you so upset?"

"All of the kids, Mom, they're...mean sometimes. And it hurts my feelings. And I'm stressed, so stressed."

"Honey, are you not prepared for today? Is that what's wrong?"

"No, Mom! I know what I'm doing! It's just, it's just I've been staring at my pajamas for twenty minutes sobbing, and I don't know why I'm like this, I don't. I'm so unbelievably stressed that I just can't move."

"Honey, you have to get moving. You're going to be late."

"I'm telling you, I can't go to school."

"You MUST go to school. Stop this right now."

"I don't think I can. Why am I like this?"

"Is it the play?"

"Yes. It's everything. I just keep...oh God, Mom, I'm sorry. I don't know what my problem is, but I CANNOT go to school today. The kids are mean, and I can't go. I can't face today; I just can't. I want to stay home from school."

"Jessica Lynn, you have NO CHOICE. Get up. You're the teacher; you have to go."

Mom never let me stay home from school. She could sense a fake fever from a mile away; she could snap about "sucking it up" with the best of them. Mom knows my penchant for drama and makes me solve my problems; my dad coddles me and cries about me and lets me get upset about things.

Mom wouldn't let me stay home from school today, and yes, the kids were mean, and yes, I'm unbelievably stressed, but it's times like these when I'm at my worst that I want to hear "It's okay, you're awesome." My mother tells me to "suck it up" and "stop whining/crying"; it's exactly what I need.