a required taste for the pretentious as all get out





i turned 27 and all i got was this lousy red vagina
August 11, 2005, 11:07 pm

Agent Megan's wedding is turning into a fucking four ring circus, and guess who's the ringmaster? Yep, me, baby, me. Not only have I managed to somehow have an allergic reaction to my birth control medication (thumbs up for the lady-doctor visit!), self-tanned to the point of George Hamilton-orange to cover up the white straps I acquired in a sunburn, and completely covered myself in red glitter in attempting to decorate a school bus, but I'm trying to write my damn toast and it isn't gelling like it usually does.

I sense I'll be silently mouthing it to myself the duration of the ceremony before squeaking it out in front of 300 people. I don't know if it's weird to be so excited that fiestada will be there (she's Lefty's date); you know when you put a lot of time and effort and conversation into something that your friends will never see? I'm happy she'll see the end result of all my planning and such, not to mention how hot I'm going to look in my dress. I'm glad she'll be there to cry because that's the way she rolls at weddings.

I'm delighted for Agent Megan, though, I have to say. While we busied ourselves with concocting a perfect "Just Married" sign for the back of our school bus, she said, "You know Jess, on Saturday, I'll be married. That's such a grown-up thing to do."

Sadly, I have grown a lot these past two weeks. For starters, I turned the big 2-7 last week (older than everyone on the first season of Scrubs!), and while I wish I could say I had a happy birthday, I ended up attending the funeral of a family friend, my boss' sister. It was a shocking glimpse at what would happen if one of my sisters unexpectedly would pass away, and it hurt. I think we always expect, in the backs of our minds, our parents to go first. I have never considered my sisters. Ever. I don't think that would be something I could recover from.

Nicki left for San Diego on Monday, and while I didn't admit it to anyone, not really even her, I must have sobbed for two hours alone in my room when she drove off.

It's been two weeks of odd happenings. I want to go back to school; it's time.

Thumper is using a flowbee to cut his hair. I wish I was kidding.

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