biensoul


a required taste for the pretentious as all get out


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win a date with jessica biensoul
December 10, 2004, 7:07 pm

I have a date.

Let the knowledge seep in. Let it ooze through your pores. Smell its efforvescence. A Date. A reason to get gussied up, to smell pretty, and to flaunt my new 'do (I'm a true brunette again; you would have thought I had grown a third arm by the gasps from the kids today, and they like it, they said). A reason to wear cute underwear, not so much for the maybe-they'll-be-seen factor, but more for the confidence that only cute underwear can inspire.

I am to choose a restaurant and a time to be picked up and/or meet him there (whichever I want). I am to eat dinner and have drinks with a man who is not my father and who will pay for it. I am, as Mrs. Peacock said, DETERMINED to enjoy myself ("and oh my, this soup's delicious, isn't it?").

True, I have had dinner with this man before, and I have seen this man naked on several occasions. I am not sure what to make of this development. Am I playing some kind of weird head game with Lefty that makes me not like myself much by flaunting it to CNET because Lefty could overhear? Is that the only reason I'm interested in seeing this guy again, to make Lefty jealous? What if I fall in love with that guy and I leave Lefty and all my feelings for him behind? What if this is purely a booty call (because darlings, let us be serious: the situation is dire, and it has been FAR too long) situation and the only reason I'm game for this outing is because there is a possibility (why do you ever call your exes? It sure as shit isn't to hear about the new moulding in their living room!) that I may get some action (and it was quite nice)? Am I jumping the gun?

Will there be a point where I step back and say, "I'm in love with someone else," or will I stammer "I'm in love with you," or "I guess I don't love anyone as much as I thought I did."

All scenarios terrify me.

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