biensoul


a required taste for the pretentious as all get out


navigation
current
archives
profile

stuff
bio
rings
cast
best
q-n-a
card
reviews
12%Beer

contact
email
gbook
notes

credit
host
design

the rules of the booty call
February 10, 2003, 7:09 pm

Continued from the other day: Part II of the filming saga. Okay, so after enduring the humiliation of Paul finding the bullet, I was subjected to giggles and pointing fits and was forced to show the box on doc. footage (which I surreptiously deleted later on). I swore everyone to secrecy about nineteen times, and continued being the location hostess.

I thought I was in the clear, but NOOOOOOOO...nary forty minutes after the box breakthrough, our Production Manager, Amy, comes up to me and says with her typical buoyancy, "I heard they found a surprise under your bed!"

I think I could have shot someone, had I had a gun in my hand and had it been loaded and had I not cared about ruining my Vintage Wine Poster.

I was ass-pissed. Someone blabbed, and now the crew was talking about my bullet. *sigh* Anyway, I'm over it now, but I definitely needed to vent on Saturday.

Speaking of venting, can someone PLEASE let Richie know about the RULES to the Booty Call?

Oh, there are no rules? Let me instate them here:

Biensoul's Bootylicious Booty Call Charter: The Rules of the Booty Call

Follow these rules or suck.

1. Booty Calls are only acceptable when both parties are fully aware of the motivations for and implications of said Booty Call. The Booty Call will result in a physical encounter, nothing more, and cannot be held solely responsible for the ramifications of the involvement of "feelings." That's the responsibility of the parties involved: to assuage any fears that the Booty Call will result in anything but a release of sexual frustration and (hopefully) mutual satisfaction.

2. Booty Calls CANNOT be made prior to 6pm and CANNOT be made after 4am.

3. Booty Calls made while drunk are still valid, though the parties involved should follow through if the Call is accepted (and not say, fall asleep or pass out during the act).

4. Parties eligible for the Booty Call are limited to: ex-boy/girlfriends, ex-coworkers, and past and present "fuck buddies" (read: persons who bump uglies on a fairly regular basis without emotional involvement, but who are we kidding? there's always someone emotionally involved in this situation, even if they deny it. unless she's really secure and they're good friends and it's really no big deal, but i digress). Parties EXCLUDED from the Booty Call include, but are NOT limited to: bosses, present coworkers, and ONE NIGHT STANDS.

5. Booty Call is rendered null and void if the Call involves talk of getting back together or potential relationship.

I think I covered all of the rules, but perhaps you should let me know if there's any I'm missing.

Yeah, so Richie called me today. Richie as in, I've really only spoken to him three times in the past year and twice on subsequent New Year's Eves where I've slept with him. For him to call me is MORE than a little odd, and frankly, I don't know if I should be insulted. I mean, HELLO, you don't Booty Call your one-night stands (even though, technically, it was a two-night stand, but HELLO, it was New Year's Eve! Both times! And they were a year apart!). Clearly something is the matter with this picture.

Am I not desirable enough for him to fathom that I could be dating someone right now? Am I not good enough in the sack that he'd think that I'd be "in demand" and therefore unavailable to him as a potential hook-up candidate?

I brushed off his attempts to see me tonight (though he was willing to drive the hour to my house) and penciled him in for Thursday because I'll be up in Towson with the gals for our V-Day Divas 2003 gathering. I will not be some kind of obedient lap dog and frankly, as randy as I may be, I'm not really into it with him. Last year? Fun. This year? Sloppy drunk, yet sobering because the magic was gone.

I'm way too old for this shit. Where are all the responsible adults that I'm supposed to be entering meaningful relationships with? I suppose until I fit the mold I can't expect much in return.

last - next