a required taste for the pretentious as all get out





catharsis, part II
May 18, 2004, 1:52 pm

So yesterday I was pacing around the office, trying to think of a proper way to say to Elena, "Um, I think it's a bad decision for me to leave right now, and my certification is an issue, and to be honest, I didn't give this year much of a fair shake, and I'd like to see what you have left because I didn't get to pick my classes and I'll take it, if that's okay with you?"

Instead, I sat her down and said, "Say if I 'stayed'...what would my schedule look like?"

She smiled. "Three Theatre Arts I classes, one Honors English 9, and two 12-3s..." as she was finishing her sentence, the heavens opened, a beam of light came down, and the Hallelujah chorus began.

Let me get this straight...I teach THREE theatre arts classes (that aren't combined because somebody got her head out of her scheduling ass), one HONORS English 9 class that I've taught six times before, AND two British Literature classes-that-I've-always-wanted-to-teach-for-like-ever-but-are-hogged-by-the-ancient-teachers? AND I won't have to float between two buildings because THE DRAMA STUDIO IS MY PERMANENT CLASSROOM? AND I get paid almost $3,000 more?!? AND I get to see the kids I had as freshmen my first year teaching graduate?! AND I get oral sex from George Clooney EVERY day?

"Eeee-leeee-nnnaaaa," I whispered in the most sepulchral tone I could manage, "that's my dream schedule."

"I know," she smiled, blinking back tears, "Please, please stay?!"

I knew the right decision would be painfully obvious when it appeared; I knew I would just know when the squeamish association with leaving would end and whatever I was supposed to do would jump ahead (not unlike Smarty Jones). So, in my best Preakness metaphor, I galloped over to my principal's office, told him I'd be staying, and breathed a tremendous, hearty sigh of relief.

Oh, I'm still leaving...just not now. This gives me one year to get myself, my career, and my finances in order so when I really DO leave, I can do so without shitting the bed. It makes me feel okay knowing I can do all these fun things this summer and not have to worry about having a job when I return.

CNET greeted me with the biggest hug ever when he heard the news...and considering his girlfriend is moving back to New Jersey in a couple of weeks, things might pick up next year after all (with or without George Clooney).

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