crush-worthy?
May 13, 2004, 5:20 pm

I'm smitten.

I can't help it. So sue me, I'm smitten like a thousand tiny crushes before, and he happens to be a bartender. Plus, he's cute, 27, and tends bar between his jobs as a civil engineer and saving puppies for the SPCA.

At least I think he said "civil engineer"...since my Idiot Quotient is directly proportional to the number of glasses of wine I imbibe, I think I spat out something along the lines of, "Oh, civil engineer, huh? That means you make coffee pots and build bridges, right?"

Silly, silly drunk Jessi. Too bad you were too pretty in the flowered dress and all too delighted your car was left behind because he took you home (nevermind another girl was in the car, you've excelled at this type of covert crush before).

So on Saturday, he'll be psuedo-expecting me to show up at the bar, tip him well, and provide flirtacious fodder for the seven or so hours I won't be loading couches into mini-vans for Mr. Blulinepaper (seriously, if you want to help, email me).

These are the things I want to whisper into his ear when he's surreptiously sliding me a free drink on the sheet metal:

1. I remembered your name, really, but pretended I didn't.

2. You didn't have to get those cigarettes, but the gesture was nice.

3. I think I could crush on you harder.

4. I could crush you, if provoked.

5. Please think it's okay that I'm smitten this much at this point of that "from afar" thing...

6. Your name is nice.

7. Yes, I dressed up because I was determined for you to acknowledge my cuteness.

8. Isn't this song romantic?

9. I didn't mean to knock over that drink, I just wanted to see you stare at my legs while you cleaned it up.

10. Yes, this is my number.

Get the hint?