damn, i'm smooth
June 28, 2005, 11:54 am

Not to toot my own horn, but Beep-Fucking-Beep. This weekend, even though there is no real way to gage this type of event and compare it with others, I quite possibly threw the greatest BRIDAL SHOWER in the history of the world. I mean it. There were margaritas, mai tais, strawberry daquiris, pina coladas, leis, inflatable palm trees, a bridal party decked out in grass skirts and coconut bras, and about $10,000 in gifts peppering my living room floor. I'm telling you what, I'M going to have to get married soon so I can procure such an awesome haul. Teachers, as a rule, are overly generous I think; especially to their own. I've never seen so many fluffy, sage towels in one place.

Because there were so many gifts, I took it upon myself to make sure no one was bored; we played Bingo while she opened gifts (pausing to "ooh" and "aah" once things were opened all the way) and I invented a "How well do you know Megan?" trivia quiz that made everyone crack up!

Saturday night brought the Bachelorette Party (I was absolutely exhausted); I am always stunned to see how 40something men think it's perfectly acceptable to stumble into some 20something woman's face, pinch her ass, or something as despicable just because she's wearing a crappy Party-City tiara and veil. I was Megan's bodyguard, and I managed to body check some dude into the brick wall outside of McGarvey's after he followed us from Pusser's on the dock all the way downtown. Word of advice to anyone wanting to celebrate their Bachelorette Party soon (are you listening, PolishStreak? )...appoint a bodyguard now or else you'll be fending off alcohol-fuming, pissed off middle aged men who are probably in the company of their wives. It's not pretty.

Due to my extreme Maid-of-Honorzilla Planning Frenzy this weekend, I managed to not see Thumper for five days, a record in our relationship thus far (well, unless you count those four years we didn't speak, but I don't, not really). Our reunion on Sunday night brought much kissing and hugging and declarations of love so adorable that I was making myself queasy. I'm glad he shares my penchant for mushiness, or else he may have kicked me to the curb with my "snoogy woogy" attitude by now.

Things on the boy front are delectable; I'm actually THAT girl now, and we're decorating the house together. (The paint is soooo pretty, I have to tell you!) I never thought the highlight of my day would be talking to only one person, cuddling on the couch and watching a movie, but man...life is sa-weet. We're going to New York City (get a rope) in July (for which we have front row seats to see The Producers AND The Lion King), we're going to JournalCon together this fall, and we're feverishly talking about taking a trip for our one-year anniversary (!) in December. Who IS this girl?!?!

Sidenote to Mr. Blulinepaper: Your voicemail message bites my behind.