March 11, 2002, 10:14 p.m.
"Every one of you is fired...Every one of you is Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh"--Ben Folds
Both of my sisters have been fired from their respective jobs in the past 24 hours. I feel a) bad for them, as they were fired and that's pretty humiliating, b) bad for my dad as he feels it is somehow a reflection on him and his fault, and c) pissed off at both of them for being slackers. I'm worried because I don't have tenure.
I know, I know. I should be supportive and not so uptight. I'm always being called the "perfect" daughter, and so I always act morally and intellectually superior to them, but I can't help but feel betrayed on some level. They've let the family down. They're GB...there I said it. They're being GB after I've deluded myself for so long that we're better than that.
*sigh* Deep breath...
One of my students really hurt my feelings today by exposing one of my deep-seeded anxieties...you know, the one that prods me and tells me that I'm a shitty teacher. Of course, after evaluating and re-evaluating his claims, it basically boiled down to: he didn't have his homework and wanted someone else to blame.
Why do people think it's okay to make me cry today?