a required taste for the pretentious as all get out





sensory overload
November 16, 2003, 10:56 am

It's all over me. Overstimulation. Play. Coffee. NFL Picks. Missing substitutes. Story ideas. Brown application. Go Ravens. TranceJen. Fiestada. KatSlater. The play (again). What I have in common with Perpetual-Blonde. CNET's lengthy message on my voicemail.

Running around like a chicken with my head cut off does have its perks, though. People are less inclined to bug me if they see I'm about to lose it; people demand less because my plate is full. I get far less complaints about my lack of organization and far more compliments on my shoes that give me blisters.

Thursday afternoon was a hoot. While running to my duty, I saw a group of boys loitering the stairwell, seemingly on a mission. Upon recognizing one of the kids, I asked him what they were doing.

"Oh, hi Ms. B. We're looking for our teacher."

Seems that a teacher was called away on an emergency, and no one was there to take his place. The students, being the brilliant darlings they are, decided to split into "teams" to go find him. At the moment, there were 32 sophomores running around the campus with a "get out of class free" card. 32 kids scattered like so many marbles on a concrete floor.

I penned up as many of the marbles as I could and searched for a lesson keep them occupied. I sent another kid to find a teacher with a walkie-talkie so we could get coverage. The experience was entirely exasperating, as students continued to trickle in three, four, five at a time upon discovering the classroom door unlocked and several English teachers (it was a World History class) pacing, wringing their hands. I was pushed along to my duty, ten minutes late and feeling more tired than I've felt all week.

The one luxury I've been affording myself all week has been to dash out to Starbucks for a tasty Gingerbread Latte (aka my drug of choice) before rehearsal begins. Having gotten a late start on Thursday, I stamped my foot impatiently while waiting in line for the liquid hot cocaine, wondering how to explain my lateness to my kids. I scurried to the sugar counter, and then proceeded to dump the entire contents of the Venti cup onto the counter and floor, but also my fluffy WHITE sweater and my entire left leg. Scalding hot coffee does not mix well with my favorite PRISTINE, FLUFFY white sweater and fancy dress slacks. Boo.

The students, taking a page from Clerks, kept asking, "What smells like coffee?"

Oh, that's right, the fucking director/teacher.


More later on my weekend, but I'd be remiss if I didn't post these:

My Picks for Week 11:

1. Houston at Buffalo -Buffalo is tough to beat at home; okay, they're not, but Houston won't be repeating last week's good game.

2. Washington at Carolina-I freaking hate the Redskins.

3. St. Louis at Chicago - St. Louis is on a roll (time to go solo).

4. KC at Cincy -I heart Dante Hall, but this one is close this week. Quite frankly, if anyone is capable of pulling an upset, it's the Bengals. They may hand KC their first loss, but KC is full of piss and vinegar, so they won't let that happen. Not yet, anyway.

5. Arizona at Cleveland-Cleveland needs a win. Hello Cardinals, how are you?

6. Baltimore at Miami-Okay, let's look at the stats, shall we? Both teams have a record of 5-4. Their offenses are rated 25th and 26th in the NFL, respectively. So what if the Ravens have a new quarterback that replaced my husband? You're forgetting that the Ravens won the SUPERBOWL with TRENT DILFER who was HURT and replaced with Tony what's-his-name. The real tale of the tape? Defense. Balmer's D is rated 2nd in the NFL, not to mention we have studs like Ray, Peter, and my boy Chris. Let's see...Miami? Rated 16th with a weak record against teams with a strong running game. If Jamal has a good game and if Toddy boy gets his hands on the ball, Ravens win.

7. Atlanta at New Orleans-Falcons can win without Michael Vick. Who knew?

8. NY Giants at Philly - Oh, Philly, you were everyone's pick for the SuperBowl this year. As Fred Willard would say, "Wha happened?" You can still beat the Giants, though...we believe in you!

9. Jacksonville at Tennessee - The Titans can win this game with their hands tied behind their backs.

sd/DEN -Lighting doesn't strike for the Chargers; go Broncs.

10. Jets at Indy-Colts are looking GOOD recently. Must be because this year marks their 20th anniversary of leaving Baltimore in the middle of the night. Hmmm.

11. Minnesota at Oakland - Minnesota is still pissed that they lost two weeks ago.

12. Detroit at Seattle -I've been loving Seattle all season. They've yet to really disappoint me.

13. GB at Tampa- Monday Night Football saw Brett Favre throw more interceptions than he's thrown in two years. He's got something to prove this week. And he's hot.

14. Dallas at New England-My dad knew Bill Belichek in high school; they drove to football practice together. When my dad broke his ankle his senior year, BillyBoy stepped in as the back-up center. He's a nice guy, really, but Bill Parcells' team is going to work harder. I never thought I'd say this with any conviction, but go cowboys.

15. Pittsburgh at SF - Beating up on the Steelers this season has been akin to taking candy from an infant. SF hasn't fared much better, but they will tomorrow night.

Last week, I was 7-7; it was the only time I lost more than three games all season. I see where trash-talking gets me. I've learned my lesson, indeed.

Have a great Sunday, folks. Go Ravens!

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