a required taste for the pretentious as all get out





someone else's big fat greek wedding
September 21, 2002, 11:35 pm

Yes, you saw the movie, and you thought it was pretty good. I thought it was a little scary considering that just about everything that happened in the film mirrored my family perfectly. Below, what the film forgot:

1. EVERYONE wears black to a Greek wedding. All the women wear black dresses; all the men wear black suits.

2. Top-shelf liquor ONLY.

3. If the bride isn't Greek, she still knows all the Greek dances. If the groom isn't Greek, the bride's dad teaches him while they're dancing.

4. The three matriarchs of the groom's family will all decide that the Greek song playing is a different dance; therefore, there will be three separate lines of three separate dances colliding into one another on a small dance floor.

5. The reception must start at 5:00pm. It goes until the last person passes out. Any time before 5:00pm is too early for dinner; any time after 5:00pm is too late for dinner and we're starving already! If it ends before the last person passes out, the reception must continue at sun-up and not stop until three days after the bride and groom have left for their honeymoon.

6. The cheapest car in the parking lot is a Lexus. There must be at least one Ferrari present to qualify as a true Greek wedding.

I went to a good family friend's wedding yesterday. Since he is Greek and the bride is from Texas, they had a "Tex-Greek" wedding, complete with beer holders with the Acropolis on one side and a silouette of Texas on the other. Signs everywhere pointed to "The Big Fat Greek Wedding" and there was a bottle of Windex on every table.

I love Greek weddings. Everyone there is my "uncle" and I get kisses and booze and dances. Everyone is "so proud" of me and can't believe I'm "so big" now because they remember me when I was "so high".

My sister Christina decided that at our weddings, we'll have a "sister" song that only the three of us (me, Nicki, and Chris) can dance to; the song: "Semi-Charmed Life" by 3rdEye Blind because we like it.

I feel sorry for my future groom as his family will be crushed with the love of my family; it won't be a bit underwhelming, that's for sure.

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