save your vomit; this is a mushy entry
May 25, 2005, 8:10 am
"Elephant juice...huh, you tricked me," he said.
"I did? You mean, you didn't respond with Eliza Duschku (sp)?"
"No, Jess...I said, 'I love you, too.'"
"I don't know what happened today, really, but I was thinking at work about my life, and where it is, and where it could be. My life is damn near perfect; I'm so happy. I know the reason why it is that way, and it has everything to do with you. And it all clicked. I was talking to Camille, and she was talking about Z, and she asked me if I had told you that I loved you, and when I said no she seemed sad, and then I realized, well, why shouldn't I tell you? Why should I be scared? Why shouldn't I tell you what I'm feeling? So I listened to the Love songs cd the whole way home, and I'm telling you now: I love you."
I didn't respond, not right away. I mean, you know when you were little and you couldn't WAIT for Christmas or your birthday for one specific gift and it seemed like it wasn't coming for YEARS, but then it came, you got it, and you had no clue what to do with it? You were almost afraid to take it out of the box because then you'd actually have to make it perform or you might have broken it, or it just wasn't you expected? That's how I felt; here I was given this gift, in this perfect moment, and I was paralyzed because whatever I said next was going to be important.
"Oh hon," I whispered, "I love you."
We kissed, and seriously, it was like one of those ridiculous Hollywood-esque moments where my head felt like it was on fire and every liquid from my brain to my spine was draining too quickly.
I am in love. He loves me. For real.
This morning he lost his keys, and we spent twenty minutes looking for them, alternately swearing and throwing clothes, and as we gave up and he had to go to work (without his work keys), he grabbed me in a bear hug and looked at me and said, "God, I love you, Jess."
I can't imagine scurrying around on all fours, naked (I was about to get into the shower) with my towel on my shoulders, looking for anyone else's keys at 7:00a.m.