the most important question in the world (jesus wept)
May 26, 2006, 4:01 pm

"WHAT WILL YOU DO WITH JESUS? That's the most important question to answer in life. You can either accept him or reject him. What will you choose? It only affects eternity."

This showed up on my MySpace today. I pondered it, seriously, and wrote my serious response:

I accept Jesus on the grounds that he and I could be great friends.

No, really.

Jesus and I, we could go to the ballgame, drink a few beers, eat some hot dogs, and then yell obscenities at the umpires (which Jesus would follow up with a sheepish, "But I still love you!").

He would let me call him "JC" or "Yahweh."

He would let me pet his beard.

He would bless Jack and Jill and grant them passage into Heaven, because if there isn't a Dog Heaven or some other thing set aside for pets, then I don't think I really believe in the place.

He settle all the furor surrounding The DaVinci Code and publicly berrate Tom Hanks on his choice of hairstyle.

He wouldn't mind me using his name in vain a hundred times a day, but instead, see it as a call-to-arms; those are the times I need His attention.

He would hold a press-conference, during which I could make pretend fart noises whenever someone asks a stupid question, and where He would say emphatically, "HEY! IDIOTS! I SAID, 'LOVE EACH OTHER.' What part of that do you not understand?"

I think he'd find Van Wilder funny.

Yeah, Jesus and I? We'd be great pals.