Top Ten Reasons Why I Woke Up at 7:17a.m. This Morning (Coincidentally, the exact same time school starts)
December 03, 2004, 9:32 am

From the Home Office in Annapolis, MD:

10. Two words: down comforter.

9. The smoke that I inhaled last night has clouded my eardrums, rendering my sense of hearing (and, come to think of it, sight), basically useless.

8. Lefty poured me a shot of whiskey.

7. CNET poured me a shot of rum.

6. The shake machine is broken.

5. The laundry piled up in my room obscured the digital read-out on my alarm clock.

4. My mom stormed into my room screaming, "ARE YOU PLANNING ON GOING TO SCHOOL TODAY?!?"

3. I went to bed at 4:37a.m.

2. Damn you, Lefty, CNET, Joshy, and Ethan!

1. I participated in the Biensoul Budweiser/Apprentice (good riddance, Ivana, you stupid cunt)/Ping Pong party, and all I got was this stupid hangover.

Oh yeah, yesterday's entry? The answer, darlings, was D. Things are...shall we say...interesting now, what with the drinking, the flirting, the polite refusal to accompany me to my bedroom for more cuddle time. I am, to put it bluntly, the world's biggest fool. I'll thank you to remind me of that later on.