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or i could just join the circus
November 30, 2002, 12:23 pm

"I've been a bad, baaad girl..."

Oh Fiona, how can you wail like that and be that tiny?

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Him: You should come to California with us. *and a bunch of other really insightful things that Mike tends to say when he's drunk*

How can I tell him that I can't? I can't follow him and my other buddies out there; I can't leave here because, for now, this is what I'm meant to do, and I can't abandon my kids or my school. I can't just leave everything behind and start over, like Autumn and my sister. I'm bound to this place both by chains and my heart, and it's hard.

I told him that my greatest fear (besides clogging public toilets) was being forgotten; how can I be afraid of that and then just FORGET everything here?

I've been looking at grad schools...why? I already have a Master's degree. I need something to validate my leaving besides just wanting to see what living beyond Maryland's borders could be like. I could get another degree, and I could see how living in Ohio or Iowa is not Baltimore, Glen Burnie, Towson, or Annapolis at the same time.

Maybe I'm just looking for a tangible reason to leave what I've always known...and to realize that leaving doesn't mean forgetting.

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