a required taste for the pretentious as all get out





i went to my ex-boyfriend's wedding and all i got was this lousy journal entry
October 17, 2005, 8:40 pm

It isn't every day a person can wake up and say, "Today I will attend the wedding of the boy that I used to think I was going to marry."

But Friday was that day for me; Mike tied the knot, and I was on hand to...

give a reading.

Seriously. You read that correctly. I did a reading (and a damn good one, may I say). Apparently, when Mike and his fiancee, now wife, were out here over Christmas, she asked me to read at the ceremony, and I, in a boozy haze, said yes.

Over the past month, I hemmed and hawed over that decision because frankly, it's a bit weird getting up in front of a room full of parents, friends, and family to spout love poetry and all you can think about is how many times you've seen the groom naked. All I can say is that Shea, the blushing bride, has far more tenacity and class that I'll ever muster; I wouldn't want my fiancee's exgirlfriends even knowing the color of the bridesmaids' dresses, let alone be part of the ceremony. That's special.

I did my reading, and I smiled at Dave, who looked dashing in his tux, and I walked back to my seat and I caught Thumper's eye; he gave me a wink and we smiled. If that experience was a bit weird for me, I'm sure it was about 90 times as awkward for him (being the boyfriend of a reader in her ex-boyfriend's wedding...shyeah).

All in all, it was lovely. Very chic, very classy, yet very laid-back. I was honored that Mom, Dad, and Yaya were also invited and that everyone there was eager to see them and spend time with them. I was delighted to see everyone who claims I have fallen off the face of the earth (heh..proved them wrong), and I was even happier to have Thumper's two left feet join me on the dance floor for "Brown-Eyed Girl" and "Crash."

The only semi-awkward moment occured not at the ceremony, but at the rehearsal dinner; the groom's mom came up to me (after a few glasses of wine) and grabbed my just-cut hair (six inches shorter, btw) and said, "Damn Jess, you are SO sexy! You're so sophisticated! I'm so glad you're such a pretty girl!" It was sweet in that kind of surreal way.

Anyway, the entire wedding was documented in my growing wedding-idea notebook.

Don't even get that attitude like you don't have one.


Purely, absolutely, silly-silly BLISSFUL.

What, you may ask, is the matter with our dearest, worry-wart, dramatic Biensoul?

Nothing, darlings, nothing. Tomorrow I board a plane to Whale's Vagina, and I couldn't be happier. Thumper and I are blissfully, silly-silly, amusingly adorable these days...nothing like a bit o' the old self-doubt to remind one of the finer things in life, eh?

I also did my yearly pumpkin carving at Heidi's house; an annual tradition since 1994. I spent the day being Aunt Jess to Natalie and Elise, her daughters, and I found that while I still feel a bit squickish around babies, I'm a damn good aunt.

The pictures I took led to the following exchange that I refuse to read too much into:

"You're going to be such a good Mom, hon."

"Aw, thanks, baby."

"No, I mean it. You're going to be the best Mom; maybe a little worried at times, but you're creative and fun. The kids will have a blast."


As if you needed further proof Thumper is dork: he wants to name his child Vader.

That's right, VADER.

Initially, I was appalled, but as a middle name, it may have possibilities. Over my dead body will the first name be Vader, though. Honestly, I'd be forced to kick my OWN ass for considering it.

"Vader, go mow the lawn!"

"Vader, take out the trash!"

"Vader, fight the rebel alliance!

I have a feeling that might never get old.

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