i'm not obsessing! (much)
September 30, 2004, 9:27 am

"I am never, ever writing about a boy in my diary EVER again." --Fiestada, who, like me, learned the hard way.

The problem is, there's no problem. In fact, there's a whole lot of nothing. There are after-school talks at 5:30pm that last until 6:00; there are after-school smokes that are completely on his dime and gas mileage. There are long glances, long visits (when he's on duty), and long lunches spent in the English faculty room, but there's not a lot of "I like you, you like me, let's try to not have a baby" going on.

But I can't be imagining this, can I? I can't imagine that he specifically waits around for my rehearsal to be over to come grab me for a smoke; I can't imagine that he invited ME back to his house to meet his family instead of everyone else. I can't just make up the fact that everytime I'm about to see him (or when I do) my stomach flip flops like it did the summer I was fifteen and desperately in love, can I? I always thought that actual physical pain or euphoria was an indication of someone's feelings.

So, I'm trusting my gut. This time, it's reciprocated...maybe. I hate that I look too deep into things, or that I read too much into them, or that, right now when I should be typing a Beowulf quiz, I'm smiling because he told me yesterday he loved my frizzy rain curls. NO ONE loves my frizzy rain curls. See? One crush and I'm a sentimental, soppy, stupid mess.

It's a good thing KatSlater is visiting next week, because if anyone is a good judge of character, it's her; if anyone will shoot me straight on the vibe, she's the one. Not to mention that when she's around, my alcohol tolerance sky-rockets and my heart is aflutter with laughter. By my calculations, it's time I took one for Team Vomit Comet, so her stay will be at least without technicolor yawns.