a required taste for the pretentious as all get out





pithy this
May 02, 2004, 5:00 pm

Dear Reader:

We here at struggle to provide the best in mediocre writing and occasionally outstanding prose (without having to look up how to spell "occasionally" in the dictionary). Unfortunately, attention spans and the nature of life have seperated us from our mission, and now you're forced to endure this pithy list of stuff from the past 96 hours that may be relevant to someone at sometime in the future, but it sure as shit isn't all that important for us to spend hours agonizing over how to write about it now:

1. Went to the Crease on Thursday with Dave and S-M-R. Found out that bartender Skip had placed a booty moratorium on me. Amusement abounded.

2. The State of Maryland versus Jessica Lynn Biensoul case verdict turned out to be "probation before judgement." I was fined $117 plus $23 in court costs, so now I'm officially broke until forever.

3. I ditched the Junior Prom to play cards and smoke cigarettes at Fiestada's house all Friday night.

4. I unclogged the poorly draining tub and the result was a mass of hair, skincare products, and gunk so repulsive that I can only qualify it by referring to it as MUNG. I'm shuddering as I type this.

5. I spent all of my Saturday indulging in my extreme soccer mom/mid-30s housewife/pseudo-redneckingly hobby of scrapbooking. You may jeer and throw vellum at me as time permits.

6. I found out that my great-grandfather used to beat the everloving shit out of my great-grandmother and my grandfather...but that's okay! He was a good guy! *sigh*

7. I learned that because our esteemed Superintendent is an unethical lump of tub-mung, every student that has been expelled from a school in Anne Arundel County since January 14, 2004 has gone directly to home teaching with a "transfer" code; thusly insuring that the State of Maryland will see the huge discrepancy between last year and this year's expulsions and say "Hey! What a difference!" Meaning, of course, that the child that hit me will be eligible to return to school in the fall.

8. My brain feels like a vat of tapioca pudding and my feet are itchy.

9. I've been invited to the Maryland J-Man's 1st Birthday Party (the Maryland J-Man being the son of the owners of the Sputnik Cafe, and who coincidentally shares a name with TranceJen's adorable son).

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