the poor me conundrum
September 29, 2005, 4:57 pm

So I'm sitting at school, waiting for a free second when I don't have to run to the copier and/or talk to someone about something school/drama/class related, and it never comes.

Ever.

The past two weeks I have spent in the manner: wake up, go to school (early), teach, use entire planning period as exercise time by running from one place to another on campus, teach, teach, teach, tutor, tutor, rehearsal, rehearsal, rehearsal, teach teachers, call parents, go home, grade, grade, grade, grade, nod or speak a sentence to Thumper, pass out in bed. Repeat. Honestly, I have never been so busy, and for me, that's saying something. I have never felt more on top of things as I do this year, but at what cost? I have never worked so hard, and I'm overwhelmed.

Today I managed to use every free second of school time to do school-related things, and I am still staring at a pile of papers I need to write up for subplans tomorrow (I'm taking the kids on a field trip). I have a meeting at 6:00p.m. and after I'm going to Home Depot to pick up paint, then back here to drop it off, finish my plans, and then I'll go home to grade papers. Not that I'm complaining...

The play is amazingly successful for its first week of practice; we had 83 (!) kids audition and I only cast 40. I have been trying to get this level of participation for the four years I've been doing this, and it's finally happened. I just wish I had time to be excited about it.

My friends contend I have dropped off the face of the earth, and it might be true. With too many other things, I finally understand why my mom and dad seldom got together with their friends as we grew up. My schedule is too rigid to make plans flexible enough to do fun things; I've been spending the majority of my weekends out of town or working on the house, so I'm unavailable in that capacity. I'm so tired by the end of the day I hesitate to do anything that will keep me from bed a second longer than necessary...

My first year teaching, I went out all the time. Last year, first semester, I did the same. I don't have that luxury now because I know what I want to do and how I have to do it: I want to be great. Greatness does not come without hard work. For the first time in my life, I refuse to slack off, and it feels great to get so much accomplished, but why am I feeling so left out?

I haven't even watched football much because I've been here and there. I think I'd like a day to do absolutely nothing soon.