biensoul


a required taste for the pretentious as all get out


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the regimen
June 08, 2004, 9:55 pm

I begin by throwing on an extremely dorky pair of Nikes that my MOTHER didn't want anymore because they looked bad on her. I follow them with too baggy shorts, a sports bra that makes me look like I have a shelf on my chest, and a t-shirt. I put my walkman in my pocket, and I take off.

I use the same cd, and I can time my pace via the songs (by the time I get to that Overlook sing, I better be hearing Kylie Minogue). Tonight I set a goal: I must be in the house by the time that song I love is over. I beat it by thirty seconds.

It's a quiet, balmy night here in Annapolis, and the frogs are out of control with their froggy noises. I think they're trying to drown out the dying cicadas. I walk around my grandmother's odd neighborhood where the high school years found me running there preparing for soccer season in July. I listen to the walkman and I wait for some insane situation-comedy idea to pop into my head; any bad things have a way of flaring up and then dying down until they're non-existent. With every thud of my foot, I'm stomping out the day.

STOMP, goodbye four hours of grading.

STOMP, goodbye scary redneck dad that yelled at me.

STOMP, goodbye crap-ass ingrate that insisted on having dad all pissy that she missed Honor Thespian yet didn't deserve it.

STOMP, goodbye making exams.

STOMP, goodbye broken callus-shaver that I just bought and wasted $5.99 on having never used it once.

STOMP, goodbye bizarro moment with dad whereupon he yelled, "FUCK YOU, BIDEN!" at a Pennsylvania Senator.

STOMP, goodbye edited Wet Hot American Summer.

I enact full-scale epic films in my head. I plan my unveiling at A's wedding, not unlike the Anna Nicole Smith "Trimspa" commercial, but minus the drug-addled pseudo-Betty Boop voice and the eyes skittering for a bottle of NyQuil to drown in. I think of fabulous British blokes called Ethan kissing my neck in the dark recesses of a posh pub, and then ditching him for another rendition of "Summer Lovin'" with KatSlater. I think about the ohmygodwhatamigoingtodowithmylifeandi'm25andstilllivewithmyparents
thatisbothbogusandsad
hehthat'swayne'sworldilovethatmovie
butseriouslywhatamidoingwithmylife
state I'm in.

It's better than Valium.

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