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i love richard simmons
April 8, 2002, 11:54 p.m.

It's pretty sad when the highlight of your day involves coming home and working out with Richard Simmons.

I'm not knocking dear Richard--I love him and he has fat people dance along with him--but I'm wondering if I'm spending too much time at school. I don't think so because I never seem to have anything finished on time or when I want to, but apparently my mother has noticed that I look different since the last time she saw me, and that means I'm not seeing her as nearly as I used to. Maybe I'm just not spending my time "wisely."

Ditto for Yaya. I thought living with my grandmother would give me more time with her, but I was dead wrong. I saw her more often when I traveled from GB to Annapolis once or twice a week.

My mother got a karaoke machine for her birthday. Until you hear your mother warble to Smash Mouth's "All Star," you really haven't lived.

Anyway, back to Richard Simmons. Stuff I love about Richard Simmons:

1. Flamboyant work-out gear: i.e. sparkly tank tops, shorts, athletic shoes.

2. Permanent white guy afro.

3. Constant reassurance through the work-out that I'm "a star!" and I'm "going to get through this because" Richard "is right here with" me!

4. Allows fat people to hug and dance with him regularly.

5. Work-out aerobic routines are easy enough to be a beginner, yet amenable to upping their difficulty.

6. Enthusiasm beyond belief.

7. Kitsch factor way outweighs dorkiness factor.

Thank you, Richard Simmons, thank you.

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