my boyfriend, the lumberjack
June 30, 2005, 10:58 am

I wanted to write a gorgeously long entry today about the state of the union, the magnolia trees outside, and how much I love cohabitating with dogs, but all of those plans have been scrapped because I slept on the couch last night.

I. Slept. On. The. Couch.

Was it a lovers' argument that cut too deep that banished me to the basement? A quarrel that resulted in glasses being thrown, etc? Hell, no. Things are magnificent with Thumper and I, except for the fact that when he snores, the house shakes. I had to move because I couldn't sleep. Good God, can that boy saw some logs! He may as well go to bed in a flannel shirt singing the lumberjack song!

Usually we go to bed around the same time, and while I don't generally fall asleep until he's well into dreamland, I can zone out before the heavy snoring begins. The past few days I've been doing some VERY IMPORTANT investigative journalism (*cough* Watching Season One of Alias, *cough* *cough*) and was a bit caught up in it until 1:30a.m. or so. Thumper went to bed ahead of me, and when I retired, I found Jack and Jill on his side of the bed, Thumper on mine, and enough noise to rival that of Niagra Falls. Jesus.

Undaunted and still very much in the "honeymoon" phase, I attempted to practice my relaxation techniques, regulate my breathing, and do all that other fancy stuff that aids me to sleep at night...with Jack's toenails digging into my back, Jill refusing to stop licking me, and the No. 9 Train roaring through the room. Whenever Thumper would start talking in his sleep (that's some funny shit; past conversations include what happens when buttermilk biscuits drive firetrucks and putting bridesmaids' dresses in a lunch box), I thought I'd get that perfect window of sleepiness, but to no avail. Around 4:13a.m. I gave up, decided I had gave it the good fight, and stormed downstairs to the basement on the couch. The nice, cool basement where I IMMEDIATELY fell asleep and was awoken this morning by a bewildered and bleary-eyed Thumper, who seemed genuinely sorry to cause me distress, and who really, really missed me. Aw.

I'm investing in some earplugs for tonight.