that's some hot lovin'!
December 27, 2005, 5:48 pm
If you get squeamish around other people's sex-gone-awry stories, this isn't for you.
Last night, after spending the day cuddling on the couch and then exchanging holiday cheer with fiestada and Blulinepaper, I jaunted back to Arnold for some quality time with Thumper. By quality time, I mean my "QUALITY TIME" Christmas present that I was very much looking forward to after a small but crippling hiatus from the nookie for reasons best chalked up to the play, stress, and present wrapping.
Anyway, I was determined. I outfitted myself in some beautiful garb I had hoped to wear on our anniversary, wrapped myself in a blanket and waited patiently for Thumper to come to bed so he could unwrap me (I also played about nine games of Sudoku, so I wasn't complaining).
Things commenced; things were wonderful, and Thumper made me feel like a million bucks...
that were suddenly on fire.
Not ON FIRE in a cute, euphemistic sense, but quite literally on fire. It was as if my unmentionables were suddenly doused with gasoline and smacked with a lit match. I started shirking away, and Thumper, interpreting my actions as a cute cat and mouse game, became a bit voracious.
"Um, honey?" I squeaked, barely able to keep in the tears as I pushed him away, "did you try anything different?"
"Did you, I don't know, put some IcyHot down there, or something? YOW!"
"OH GODDAMMIT! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!?!?"
"Honey, are you okay?"
"AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHH! What the hell?!?!"
"Baby, what's wron---oh shit."
"This better have something to do with solving---YOW--this problem."
"Jess, I um, had hot wings for dinner."
Thus began my painful recuperation without the aid of water, because that would have made it worse.
Gives "hot, steamy, spicy love" a whole new connotation, huh?