damn the man! (save the empire)
November 05, 2003, 6:20 pm

Dear The Man,

Thank you for your letter regarding the popular high school musical Grease. I really appreciate that you not only declined our application for the rights to perform it, but also reminded us that if our school was located a scant five miles south, we would probably be able to put on the show. I've heard of your greediness before, Mr. Man, but are you that paranoid that you actually believe that a high school drama club will detract from your earnings?

While we're on the subject of money, I'd like to address the issue of overdraft fees. Yes, I concede I need to be more responsible with my finances, but surely overdrawing my account by $1.27 does not warrant a $30.00 overdraft fee? Surely there's a limit on overdraft fees so they don't exceed $100.00 (or $200.00)? Quite frankly, I'm tired of seeing the meager dollars I earn through blood, sweat, and tears go back to the bank. Surely the Younger family fared better, and you didn't help them much at all. Are you prejudiced against me because I'm white?

Recently you laughed when hundreds of teachers in my county threw up their hands in disgust because we just can't do this anymore. You denied us our COLA raise (again) after renegotiating our contracts (again) to include it. Do we get any positive press or recognition for a job well-done? No. I'm sure you're the maestro behind that sad symphony.

Mr. Man, you called my house this evening while my family was eating dinner and demanded to speak to "Mary." When you were told that no "Mary" resided here, you became snippy and belligerent, and said that you wanted to talk to my parents. That attitude will get you nowhere, Mr. Man...wait, that's probably why you are where you are.

I realize your time is valuable as you're undoubtedly busy, what with your hectic schedule of smashing pipe dreams, making sure kids go hungry, causing all good foods to retain too many carbs, filming Scary Movie 4, and keeping minorities down, and I appreciate the time and consideration you've given my letter. I only hope my complaints will stir in you some semblance of responsibility for you to respect and honor your fellow man.

Sincerely,

Jessica L. Biensoul

disgruntled human being