it feels like i'm constantly stepping on legos
July 8, 2002, 7:53 a.m.

Watching "Wonder Boys" yesterday I started thinking: How much of my life have I actually lived? How much of it have I spent observing (tv, computer, other people)?

I know for a fact that I have spent the past week doing nothing but watching tv, sitting on the couch, making potholders, and playing on the computer. Quite frankly, I don't really have a choice.

I haven't left the apartment in three days. It hurts more and more everytime I take a step. Something is wrong.

I only had a few plantars warts removed; granted, there are three holes in the bottom of my feet now that average about an inch and a half in diameter and they're very deep, but I shouldn't be having the problems I am. I really shouldn't be in this much pain.

I feel useless. My carefully planned summer weight loss schedule has been on indefinite hiatus. I desperately wanted to exercise a little, but I can't even walk. This is not what I had intended.

I called the place where I'm supposed to be taking this first aid class...they're getting me a wheelchair when all I asked for was "um, do I have to have someone wrap my foot? Couldn't I just practice on someone else?"

This wasn't supposed to be so uncomfortable, and now I'm a burden to everyone around me because I left a trail of blood on the carpet that I have yet to clean up.