a required taste for the pretentious as all get out





more stuff you never wanted to know
November 28, 2003, 5:33 pm

Much like the way all my delicious food glommed together on my plate, inviting loads of interesting taste sensations (cranberry sauce laden stuffing? more please!), here's a bunch of stuff that I've been meaning to tell you about me that I've been forgetting...the leftovers, if you will. None of it relates to anything else; just thought you should know that I...

1. have WAY too many purses but cannot control the urge to buy more. I change purses weekly, if not daily, to coordinate with specific outfits. These purses are supposedly kept in my closet, but they're mainly in the front seat of my car or under my desk at work. There are two in the garage.

2. 1/3 of my shirts are red. I am NOT exaggerating. I'll post a picture of my closet if you don't believe me.

3. When I was five years old, a snobby waiter at a swank London restaurant handed me a cursive-scripted Wine List in place of a menu to get me to shut up. After scanning it, I handed it back to him and said, "Excuse me, sir, this is the Wine List. I'd like a REAL menu, please." He, uh, gave me a real menu, saying, "Smart lass."

4. I was born with a mole on my right breast that every elder Biensoul woman (dad's side) has; I had it removed in 2001 because it was sketchy.

5. My great-grandmother spoke five languages.

6. I feel like Larry King all of a sudden.

7. I subscribed to a gym membership, but have not really used all...and I've had it for an entire year now.

8. I can never set foot (ha) in my podiatrist's office again because I still owe them $15 from my surgery a year ago.

9. Hamlet's real problem was indecision, not having his mom marry his uncle.

10. My favorite game shows are Press Your Luck, Jeopardy, Match Game, and Lingo.

11. If I were to develop a reality show, I'd make a FAT CAMP reality dating show, where 10 guys and 10 girls with really great personalities go to fat camp, hook up, and see if they still wanted to date each other after they became thin. Oh shit, I better call a producer...

12. I visited solely based on an article posted on The Onion.

13. I bought vibrators as presents for some of my friends this Christmas.

Aren't you glad you know all this now?

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