this is NOT one of those entries where i bitch about how busy my life is and how stressed i am
September 12, 2003, 8:47 pm

Great things that happened this week:

1. My Snoopy coming up to me, hugging me, and saying, "Ms. Biensoul, you know, thanks for the part. I really am glad that I'm in this play, and it really means a lot to me. I'm going through a rough time, and I love this, so thanks." He didn't want the part; he wanted the lead. He understood why he didn't get the lead, and that outburst of maturity nearly brought me to tears.

2. Me: "One group used the chairs as bongos!"

Kenny: "Wow! Uh..."

Me: "Yes, Kenny?"

Kenny: "Ms. B! I thought you were about to say BONG!"

Me: (out loud) "Must not think that's funny, must not think that's funny, must not think that's funny..."

*laughter*

3. My "Welcome to Strong Badia" floaty pen finally getting to my house.

4. Two of my students cleaning off my desk this week. Score!

This is NOT one of those entries where I bitch about how busy my life is and how stressed I am, I promise. I was on a week-long hiatus because I had to get a lot of stuff straight and grade some papers and stay at work pretty late. And cast my play. And hold detention. And clean my desk. And call a bunch of parents. And plan a rehearsal schedule...wait, this IS one of those entries where I bitch about my busy life...soooooo sorry.

Hee.

Actually, life isn't all that bad. On two separate nights this week, I had the pleasure of drinking really cheap wine with some good friends, so that was nice. Wednesday brought me to my friend Jilly's newlywed house for wine and drink with the girls. Amy was there as was a few other old school friends. Lots and lots and lots of wedding planning issues were discussed. Squee! I'm going to be a bridesmaid!

A good buddy of ours, Nickbutt, works at UMAB in the Shock Trauma ward as a physical therapist. Apparently, more people shit themselves there than at any other place on earth. Here I was, blathering on about my stressful work environment, and when Nickbutt starts her tirade about treating people who are about to lose a leg or who can't move any part of their bodies but their eyes, well, it sort of puts it all in perspective. In that light, grading a bunch of papers written by kids who don't care doesn't seem as bad as it is.

I also had the good fortune to hang out with my delightful Phase 10 partner fiestada last night, who insisted I watch "Reno 911" with her (yeah, good stuff) and then we cracked open the Arbor Mist and watched Cannibal: The Musical which never ceases to amuse me or make me love Trey Parker that much more.

My classes? Well, they're going fine, thanks. I'm so lucky to have my three theatre classes which a) force me to be cheerful and b) give me a reason to prance around like an idiot and talk really, really loud. I've really enjoyed watching the metamorphasis of a few shy butterflies who were thrown into the class against their wills, but who are really getting a kick out of it now. We're having a blast, and the kids seem to think so, too. The only bad thing? My class sizes are ridiculous. My three theatre arts classes break into the following numbers: 29 (about average, not bad), 34 (ugh), and 39. Yup, 39 kids in one class. I don't have enough desks.

My English 9 kids are coming around. I feel like I'm a much, much better teacher now; I know how to break things down so my kids can understand them, and I'm not throwing things at them as much, so that's a dramatic improvement. They were having some problems grasping theme statements, so today we reviewed them. They got it. That feels nice.

I've been a superstar at work lately, and that feels good, too. Oh come on, do you honestly expect ME to not bask in those accolades? You must have me confused with someone who is actually humble and not a complete attention whore.

35 kids tried out for 14 parts in my fall play. Considering I only had 20 audition for "Charlie Brown," that's HUGE. I have a terrific group of kids that I've cast, and I'm super excited that I'm working with them.

We're doing the play Eat Your Heart Out by Nick Hall. Some would argue that it isn't appropriate for high school kids, and they may be right, but I'm trying to stretch them into doing some serious theatre...it IS a comedy, but it also has some very philosophical parts as well. The lead has pages and pages of monologues spoken directly to the audience. I'm really lucky to have a really great kid as the lead.

I took C__ aside when he knew he had the part and I say, "Hey, this part is a HUGE undertaking. I want to be sure that you know that. I'm proud of you for wanting it and for earning it."

He looked up at me and smiled (C___ has a million watt, million dollar smile) and said, "Ms. Biensoul, look at these shoulders," pause, "They can handle a lot of weight."

I fucking adore my kids.

The truth is, my dearest loves, that I'm tired. I'm getting restless. With all these new challenges I'm facing, I keep thinking there are more out THERE for me, somewhere.

And that's scary.

I've always been content to stay around here and let it suck me in; I love, love, love my job and I love, love, love the people I do my job with, but I know my time here is short because it's all I've ever really known. I will have to leave, eventually.

When the time comes, I'll know it.

I think.