get out of bed
February 10, 2002, 4:18 p.m.

I spent yesterday in bed.

It scared the shit out of me.

In college I would spend days in bed, only getting up at night to order chinese food and pay for it; I learned a year later that my behavior meant that I was clinically depressed. I hate it when people talk about it because I don't buy into all those mental disorders, not really, but yesterday it started again. I could feel my seratonin level DROP and I was afraid to put on clothes and put my feet on the floor. I was afraid to do anything but stare at my messy closet and be mad at myself for letting the day slip away.

Brad called.

Brad: Are you in bed?

Me: Yes.

Brad: Have you gotten out of bed?

Me: Once. I had to pee.

Brad: You're coming out with us. Get out of bed. Take a shower. Right now.

Me: MMmm.

Brad: Jess, do it.

I think I let myself get this way as an avoidance of failure tactic. Either that, or I'm EXTREMELY lazy.

National Pistachio Day is Thursday. A time to celebrate with all the friends that one has who aren't married or dating, and who all believe that Valentine's Day is a crock of shit...and who wouldn't think that if they were involved with someone.