when procrastination's lost its fun
February 11, 2002, 4:00 p.m.

I think I must thrive on being unprepared. I am constantly wishing that I had put more thought or effort into something before I do it. Every car ride into school in the morning is a constant fight between my sensible, motivated, and thorough side and my lazy, procrastinating, and idiot side:

SMT side: You forgot to run off those copies, didn't you?

LPI side: Yep. Oh well. We'll do them when we get to school.

SMT: But it's already 6:17am! You won't get a chance before the bell rings!

LPI: Maybe, maybe not.

SMT: If you had done it yesterday like we had asked...

LPI: We were busy then...

SMT: Talking to Janet!

LPI: So?

SMT: So? If you don't take this seriously, what will happen to your students?

Then SMT makes both my LPI and myself feel bad, so we vow to make things better or do things differently, but guess what side always goes back to its evil ways? RIIIIGGGGHHHTTT.

I die a thousand deaths on the way to school because I'm pertified that I don't know what I'm doing the next day. If I would just plan ahead and get things finished on time, it wouldn't be a problem.

But it always has been, because I can't do things any other way. I would love to be an organized, neat, motivated, and careful person. I would love to be meticulous, anal, and ready for anything...but I'm not.

I will always lose papers, have a messy desk, and misplace transparencies. I will always run to the copier at 6:46am and stand in line with the other idiots. I will always live life by the seat of my pants and always be stressed out.