a required taste for the pretentious as all get out





EPISODE II: The Geeks Strike Back
May 2, 2002, 7:52 p.m.

I have been told to finish my story by someone who knows better than to expect anything less than the best in procrastination from me. Basically, the evening went like this:

Michelle introduced me around to what I could only describe as a coven of virgin males in their middle to late 30s hulked around fold-out card tables and slobbering over decks of cards. My hostess tried to introduce me to them, but even though I flashed my winningest smile and chortled secretly over the fact that I was the prettiest girl there, they paid no attention to me. (Another stereotype confirmed: lack of social skills or "real" people interface.)

Cut to: large gaming table in the kitchen, where I am introduced to THREE men named JOHN. First there was simply, "John" who was carrying an ample gut squeezed into a "MARYLAND GAMERS" t-shirt. Then there was "John the V" (either a nod to another game I didn't know or denoting his place in the John line-up; I'm not sure which). Most unfortunately there was "Big John", who, upon his introduction sneered, "I'll show you why I'm called 'Big John' later."

NOW, "BIG JOHN" was anything but big. He was scrawny and had a heinous beard that was unkempt and scraggled well-below the acceptable chin length. "Big John", I would later smell as I was unceremoniously dumped next to him, was responsible for a good deal of the "GEEK FUNK" that I had trouble phasing out of my olefactory senses.

The rest of the evening went by without incident...until I made the WRONG move by casually quoting THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK. What followed will be ingrained upon my memory in indelible geek ink for as long as I live: I inadvertently launched a full 45 minute cavalcade of STAR WARS references, news, and notes. I felt as if I had unlocked a proverbial Pandora's box of STAR WARS knowledge, and I was left holding the lid staring dumbstruck at the animated, stringy to no-haired tech crew participants around me.

After the STAR WARS incident, the evening passed without many further problems, and truth-be-told, I did have a nice time playing moderate-to-low geek games like "once upon a time" and "Apples to Apples".

I think I'll go again, but not without a bottle of Snapple and a pair of khakis...just in case.

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