a required taste for the pretentious as all get out





green bay: land of freakishly nice people pt. 2
March 09, 2006, 7:14 pm

More About The Green Bay Hotness.

So it's Friday, and it's the sleigh ride, and I'm trying to express to Thumper how ridiculously SQUEE I am just being there and I end up just squirming around in my seat like a puppy. I signed a bunch of sheets ("SOMEONE ON THIS BUS MADE OUT WITH WAYNE BRADY! You're SHITTING ME!") and listened to the delicious Pie make up things about Wisconsin in general. At one point we passed a house that was twice the size of my parents' and with a water view, and I said, "Hey Weet, how much does that one run?"

"Oh, that's expensive, it's about $500,000" she said, almost earnestly, and the Marylanders all had a good chuckle. The shitty townhouse across the street from us is going for $270,000. I wish I was kidding.

The sleigh ride was amazing, as per usual; I managed to snag a few good shots of people doing inappropriate things (most notably Mary reaching out and touching a cowboy's ass. I was on the half-full sleigh that chugged the bottle of Doctor with Mo (I just really remember that MrKaren drank his in his cup and that Mo kept mumbling something about "I had too many alcohols") and Lisa-Marie said it was good to the last drop; I also managed to be on the OTHER sleigh who finished off ANOTHER bottle of the Good Doctor on the way back. SCORE.

People of Wisconsin, let it be known that from now on, you are the land of the GOOD DOCTOR. BIENSOUL = 3, Good Doctor = 0.

Oh, the feast...the feast, the feast...I dreamt of pineapple fluff for WEEKS and booyah, and truffle brownies, and brats, and sauerkraut, and the coldest port-a-potties on God's green Earth, and brats, and booyah, and fluff, and Mare demonstrating what she learned in her blowjob class for me to record for all posterity...well, I didn't dream about that, but I have watched it about ninety times since then. Out of deference to Mare's requests, I will not publish them here. If you were there, you saw, and what a gorgeous sight it was.

Me: "Should I take a class, hon?"

Thumper: "Can Mare teach it?"

Mmmmmhmmmm. Thumper has a huge crush on Mare; I may have to fight her after class.

Anyway, I couldn't WAIT for karaoke; after all, that's MY moment to shine with my girl Trance and there was a CONTEST associated with it, so I was all about it.

So at 9:56p.m., after rushing around and delayering and donning a new shirt, me, Thumper, Mare, and Jake headed downstairs to get the bus...except it wasn't there.


I really wasn't upset. Oh, not at all. Not real...okay, I was pissed. How could the bus leave without me, the star? I am far more ego-centric than need be. Thankfully, Weet came to the rescue and dumped us off. Victory was to be mine....kind of.

Biensoul = 3, Good Doctor = 1.

So I had to leave karaoke early. Blasphemy, I know. The reason? Coupled with my girly innards doing a cake walk through my intestines, a kidney blanch that nearly made me puke, and the back pain of an 93 year old with a fake spine, I was NOT having it. I tried my brave face, oh, I tried, but I couldn't take it any longer. Thumper and I had to go (he whined the entire way home); Weet again was our savior and escorted us there.

Back at St. Brendan's, instead of consummating our Wisconsin relationship, Thumper did the most romantic thing EVER.

"Baby, get in the tub."

Ah, the knots lessened after 45 minutes of pure, steamy, jet-stream bliss. But my night was ruined...RUINED. I even missed the Karaoke SHOWDOWN (but I am blessed that Weet managed to bring down the house; awesome).

Saturday was another story altogether...

last - next