a required taste for the pretentious as all get out





they're the youth of america
March 20, 2006, 7:11 pm

So while the world waits with bated breath for more of my WeetaPieCon2006 Squee, the rest of my world moved on.

Specifically, the play about school violence that my kids and I have worked very hard on for two months. It was incredible, it was amazing, it was beyond what a high school show should have been.

And then a kid brought a gun to my school last Friday.

I wish I was kidding.

No one was hurt, except for the Student Advocate who tackled and sat on the kid with the gun when word got out that it wasn't something else in his pocket.

"Ms. B." said one of my stars, "Didn't he get the message of the play?"

"Oh Willard," I said, "He didn't see the play. I can only hope that it was one of the kids who told that did."

There's the unsettling news, and that's what happens when you're frantically checking your NCAA Bracket, throwing out your back, wondering if your relationship is okay, and shaking off the cold/strep that has lasted almost three weeks: kids bring guns to school.

I am invited to no less than SEVEN weddings this year (I have already been to one, so really, it's eight). Two are back to back (Friday and Saturday). No word on how my bank account will take it, but I sure hope everyone loves Kohl's as much as I do. For real. It's either that or Starbucks gift certificates, because I do not have time to schlep around looking for someone's Crate and Barrel registry. Thumper has flat out refused to attend another wedding with me until 2007 as he contends that NO ONE on EARTH goes to as many weddings as I do, and having already dragged him to four in the year and change we've been together, I can surmise he's probably right.

I won't lie: I LOVE IT. I look at wedding attendance as a spectator sport. The dresses, the readings, which family member gets inappropriately smashed at the reception and hits on a bridesmaid, it's all my hobby, really. It's just that getting into the spirit of things costs a lot for a buffet meal and another rendition of the Electric Slide. Nevermind it's another person younger than me getting hitched; nevermind that it's not in the cards for me any time soon.

Note to readers: when the blessed day happens and I finally tie the knot, I would LOVE Starbucks gift cards. Seriously. Because to deal with married life and me, my hubby would no doubt need some Double Choc. Chip love often.

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