myself the elf
November 05, 2006, 8:31 am

"Twist me and turn me and show me the elf,
I looked in the water and saw
MYSELF!"

My dad mentioned that poem last night, and I was shocked I remembered it from first grade. Something about Brownie inductions or whatever, but my dad pointed out that out of the thirty or so little girls assembled saying that rhyme, the only person he could hear was me; apparently, I wore an expression of such awe and glee that the entire audience cracked up.

For the past four weeks, I have woken up every morning between 3:15 and 4:20 a.m., only to lie there until my alarm sounds. Now it's gotten to a point where I don't fight it anymore; I just watch Arrested Development on dvd or read JPod. This new insomnia has somehow reiterated that my new, single life is, in many ways, not as glamorous as I had hoped.

Sure, I have a million engagements and every weekend I have shuttled off to a wedding out of town or getting sloppy drunk at an ultra-fun party celebrating the release of The Gents of Kent Island Calendar, in which Ryan the Funeral Director and his brothers appear. There's something though, that is missing from it all, and that is my usual sense of fun.

School has taken the same toll, and I don't know if it's the time of year, the pressure of the grades, or if I'm finally figuring out that maybe I *do* need to do something else for a while, but everyone has noticed that I'm "not myself" in the classroom again. I blame it on my random laryngitis, a head cold, a poorly planned lesson, but really, it's all about me.

My sister is home from California, and I'm looking forward to spending Election Day doing something fun and out of the ordinary. Something to make myself feel, if a little, myself again.

At least there's football.

I may make some brownies.