*cue peanuts dance music*
April 24, 2003, 11:58 pm

This morning I was taking a shower at 5:07am (I couldn't get back to sleep I was such a wreck) and I discovered I didn't have any Pantene left. Now, when this happens, every normal person fills the bottle with water, shakes it up, and then uses it as a slighty watered down version of their shampoo. (Don't even act you don't know what I'm talking about because you SO DO.) Anyway, everyone else probably remembers to buy shampoo the next day, but I don't, so I'm stuck with increasingly more watered down shampoo-hybrid-H2O until it's damn near water. I never had a problem with it until this morning when my usual shampoo-water concoction made an unexpected visit to my esophagus, causing me to dryheave like it was my job, which in turn caused me to throw my back out (I freakin' heard the pop, people, I'm serious). Not a good omen for opening night, I'd say.

So all day I've been in pain: icky, HORRIBLE pain. But my kids are good, two teacher-couples sent me flowers, and I stood up for myself to the Business Manager, so I consider today a success.

My blood is pumping so fast I may blow an artery any second (and being as svelte as I am, that isn't too far off the mark, unfortunately). I wish you all could have been in the audience tonight; I wish you could have smelled the freshly painted sets and the reek from under my Snoopy's sweaty armpits when he finally took off his huge, fuzzy costume exposing his 9th grade pidgeon chest. I wish you could have been there as my kids sang their hearts, forgot the lyrics to the songs, and then continued to sing anyway. I wish you could have seen it when the microphone fell over, when the kite fell, and when Charlie Brown FINALLY sang his songs correctly.

It was magic.

It wasn't the best production in the world, far from it, but dammit if we didn't have a ball.

The t-shirts (that weren't delivered on time) finally made it to school, and I was horrified to learn that four students' names did not make it on the shirt. All four students handled the episode with such class and dignity, I was a bit humbled because I know that I would not have handled it the same way, even now.

One student was listed as the wrong character in the program. He threw a fit and quit. On Opening Night. Four minutes before the curtain came up.

I have a meeting with his mother tomorrow. I'll spare you the details, but six minutes after 7:00pm, I'm running around like a mad woman, trying to find a kid who had run off with the football we needed for ACT II and thinking he'd been kidnapped. Turns out, he saw the program, called his mom, and left citing that it was "unfair" that the program was messed up.

*slapping forehead* Lessons learned today: a) never print a cast t-shirt with people's names on the back; someone is always left off; b) don't mix shampoo and water lest you want an ill-aligned back; c) don't forget to put fucking Whiny McBitchypants in the program as Franklin and not "Featured Ensemble Member"; and d) never underestimate the power of the Snoopy who can't sing...he is so incredibly awesome, I can't describe it.

I am also humbled and astounded that I was selected to be a part of 12% Beer. Thank you to everyone for your kind and hearty welcome.