my track record with this day is, overall, not good
February 15, 2003, 3:06 am

First grade: I am scratching each red bump, not heeding the advice of my grandmother who insists that the scabs will scar. Chicken pox are covering every square inch of my body and instead of participating in the Valentine's Day festivities, I am stuck in front of the television, watching Belle and Sebastian and Chocky with a half cup of ginger ale and some funny noodles. My delivery comes later via the hand of my friend Cort: a class full of valentines, a class full of letters (all which say: "Dear Jessica, Cort told us that you have the chicken pox. I hope that you will get better soon. Love, *insert name here*"), and some chocolates.

Third grade: I think Phil Morsberger might like me, but I'm not sure. I save for him the best valentines and carefully sign my name, praying he doesn't notice how much time and effort I put into writing my name in cursive.

Seventh grade: Phil has dumped me; life, inexplicably, carries on.

Tenth grade: My boyfriend doesn't come to school and doesn't call me. When I demand an explanation, he tells me that his grandmother died. I feel three inches tall.

Twelfth grade: My boyfriend makes me dinner, and then spends the rest of the night trying to get to third base.

In college, I spent Valentine's Days either desperately in love or devastated that I wasn't. Cut to grad school: I'm dating a wonderful guy who buys me roses and takes me to dinner, only to have me get sick at dinner and dumped by him two days later.

This year was the worst ever. I won't trill too much on the horrible goings-on, but I will tell you this much: my report cards were messed up, giving most of my honors' class "i"s instead of grades; four of my actors in our one-acts who are scheduled to perform NEXT WEEK are INELIGIBLE, so now I have to either replace them or find some other way or cut their play THE WEEK OF THE PLAY; my room is a mess, and people are parading around it filming a movie.

It will get better. It will get better. It will get better.