the bastion of belief
July 29, 2006, 9:52 pm

Okay, Baltimore, you listen to me:

I am PISSED, PISSED that you are selling yourself out in such a ridiculous manner. You are the home of John Waters! You are the home of Cal Ripken, Jr.! You are the home of Babe Ruth and Johnny Unitas! You are the home of Edgar Allen Poe's bones, of the miracle on 34th street in Hampden, of the Baltimore Hon and Mr. Boh! You are the home of steamed crabs, the B&O Warehouse, Johns Hopkins, and the highest homicide and gonorrhea numbers in the country!

No one wants to "get in on it", Baltimore, because we have been, for a long, long time. We wanted to BELIEVE. That's a slogan that INSPIRES PEOPLE!

At the end of a relationship, like with Baltimore's slogan, I think it's probably best to just be able to say, "Well, I learned such and such and such and such and blah blah blah. Good luck." But what, dear darlings, happens when both people really, honestly, and truly love one another, but just CAN'T work it out because of his issues or her issues or things that have nothing and everything to do with the relationship, namely, what if neither party is ready to be in it completely, fully, whole-heartedly?

Oh God. The past two weeks have rocked me to my core, dears. Here is a man who wants to be great for himself and for me and the world at large, and knows he cannot be those things the way he is now, is determined to change, but is determined to make these changes on his own.

Here is a fragile girl who thinks she could make everything okay because she believes.

BELIEVE.

I believe that because neither one of us wanted to end things, but conceded we needed to, we can make it.

I believe that there are no rules and nothing is permanent.

I believe that no matter what happens, I'll be okay.

I believe that if I was wrong about the whole relationship and my role in it and on this earth, then I have to seriously evaluate my belief system.

Here's hoping that as 28 looms next Friday, I'll believe it all still.