hey, i'm just doing my duty as a drunk guest at a reception
July 27, 2003, 3:35 pm

I wrote a whole glorious entry on my wedding weekend in Pittsburgh, and boy was it great. I clicked update, and it disappeared due to unforeseen technical difficulties. I would rewrite it, but I'm pressed for time as I'm leaving for Vegas shortly, so I'll just have to recap the sordid affair in list form, and you'll have to deal with it:

1. having a black and yellow Steelers (complete with Steelers' fight song during the reception) wedding may offend Baltimore guests

2. it's smart to sit myself, my parents, and the coaching staff of the school football team right next to the bar; forcing a 2-drink per person per trip rule kind of dampens the intelligence

3. there's a line dance to "Stayin' Alive"?!?!?

4. everyone knows the Lord's Prayer, but no one knows how to respond to the priest when he says stuff during the service; it makes you wonder what happened to everyone who went to Sunday School every week (enough to memorize the Lord's Prayer as automatically as saying the Pledge of Allegiance) and then just stop...(myself included)

5. if you're at a wedding reception at a banquet hall and the reception next door is much better, it's okay to crash it (you know, because anywhere I am is bound to be a good time)

6. the bridesmaid sex quota must be met, even if the best man has to fill it

7. don't hook up with a good friend of the groom in the hotel parking lot and not expect to get flack for it

8. the drive home from Pittsburgh is freaking long when superhungover

Oh, and a few words of advice for my fellow sisters of skank: 1) if you're at a wedding reception, everyone but the groom is fair game; 2) if you're going outside with a good-looking guy while the party rages on inside the hotel, don't wear the nice dress you wore to the wedding, your good necklace, or take your purse; 3) if you're going to go for it, use protection; and 4) being naked in the bed of a pickup truck with a hot (though a little older) stranger in a hotel parking lot during a torrential downpour is fun while it lasts, but just remember, that nice dress you left on the hood of the truck along with your pricey cute underwear is going to be ruined when you do the walk of shame back to the hotel room.

And incidentally, Lee, the streak is over. You may start the count over at one again.