then i popped her in the eye
August 03, 2003, 3:15 pm

Remember all that stuff I wrote about being scared about 25? Well, I decided to take matters into my own hands and cancel out any feelings of apprehension regarding my 20s slipping away: I went and got drunk at a "college" party last night.

After the cancellation of my Toga party, I opted to crash at my buddies' apartment in Towson whilst I recovered from the Vegas jet lag. We played a lot of video games and waited for 9:00 to roll around, when we'd go to Gaby's (Dave's girlfriend) new place for a housewarming.

Things started innocently enough. There were beers handed around and cards played. I bummed smokes from a lot of people I hadn't seen in a while. Met some new people.

I was particularly interested in a curvaceous blonde with butch spiked hair speaking in German, named, oddly enough, Jessica. She was regaling the smokers horde with tales of her recent inhabitation of Germany and many visits to Amsterdam, and how embarrassed she was to be an American. And really, we did bond, because we're both Jessicas, we're both curvy, we're both Leos and have tattoos to the effect, and we're both named after bizarre pop culture references (she's named after Jessica from Dune; I'm named after Jessica Tate from "Soap"...ha ha, I know, but it's true).

1:30am rolls around, and I'm feeling the pull of needing to get out of Dodge, when Joe shows up. Yes, the same Joe who I really, really liked and who really, really liked me, but then told me that he wasn't into hooking up with me. That's cool. He's still a cool guy...

*wham* I was almost knocked over by how fast the other Jessica pounced on him. "Joe," she trilled, "My bitch. Did you miss me? Did you get the Audrey postcard I sent you?" Humphh.

Jess and I had a little private time where we shared we both had crushes on Joe and we both smiled; inside, we both knew it meant war. Eyes were narrowed, bras were pushed up, and platforms drew lines in the grass. Never underestimate the sheer power of two women fighting over the same boy to completely raise the tension bar at a party.

I avoided Joe at first, mostly because I didn't want to innundate him too early with my presence to have him flit off; if he wanted to talk, he'd seek me out. And he did.

I was standing by the fridge, grabbing another beer, when he came over my shoulder, "Hey Jessi," he purred, "how have you been? Your summer going well? I heard you and Rich got married in Vegas..." Ha. As I'm turning to open my mouth, Jessica appeared over his shoulder.

"Would you mind grabbing me a beer?" she asked, "Oh Joe, blah blah blah about a movie." Wow. Appropriate lioness behavior protocol had been breached.

I excused myself to go outside, knowing that Joe would come out for a smoke soon enough, and I entertained myself while Zak and Mike took their shirts off and wrestled on the ground for ages.

She dogged him for the rest of the night. I only got to talk to him sporadically, and he was genuinely interested in what I had to say; conversation with him is easy, very lively, and always fun.

4:00am. Sitting on Gaby's neighbor's porch, smoking cigs and talking about "Old School"...Joe is sitting three people away from me, out of my direct line of sight. Jessica has her leg on his lap.

Someone mentioned Jameson's, and we both laughed. Joe said, "Nothing is like drinking Jameson with Jessi at 6am." Ugly looks from Jessica and her friend; I felt vindicated. Joe referenced me in a similar fashion in the natural course of the conversation no less than four times; he didn't acknowledge an inside joke with Jessica once.

All is fair in love and war, but the unprovoked inside joke referencing count pretty much decimates the playing field and leaves one person standing: ME. I took my small victory with the knowledge that they were sleeping in the same place that night; oh, and Joe invited me to her party next weekend. HEH.

The gloves are off, ladies and gents, I'm in the hunt.

And CNET sent me an email that read:

cenet is ain thegerman y and been drunk forr foru deays. i loveyou and imissss you. kissess.

Gentlemen of the East Coast: YOU CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF ME. SIMMER DOWN BEFORE I PULL ANOTHER MUSCLE AND YOUR TONGUE GOES DRY FROM ALL THAT DROOLING. That is all.