sucker punch
December 09, 2004, 9:35 am

If accidentally sending a virus and having to contact someone you haven't spoken to in months is the web equivalent of calling an ex after finding out you have an STD, then getting a completely random email from someone you haven't spoken to in years is the equivalent of spotting him at the grocery store buying produce with his new girlfriend.

Or getting punched in the stomach during your lunch break in front of all your colleagues.

The ex in question was good-looking, sweet, and fantastic in bed. The problem was that he dumped me two days after Valentine's Day with not a lot of explanation besides that he "needed to sort some things out." I found out later that he had started dating his ex-girlfriend again about two weeks after we broke up. So much for quiet time and personal reflection and space!

This guy always REALLY bothered me because I was supposed to break up with him. It was the natural order of things. I was smart, gorgeous, and way too cool to be tied down; he was somewhat settled and was the kind of serial monogamist that only exists in the form of a cubicle-mate or high school people you may call once in a while and who are always dating someone new. To be honest, this guy broke my heart because things never had a chance to go really sour. We never fought (we were only together two months), the days were packed with fun, the action was crazy, and we were genuinely happy...honestly, he was and I was and WHAT THE HELL was up with the breaking up? Blind-sided me completely.

Anyway, so his email comes at an awkward time. He wants to see me. Clearly he has broken up with another girlfriend and wants someone to bang while he's between girls, right? Right? I mean, shit, I've done that once or twice.

Whatever it is, it may be the thing that makes me seriously consider throwing the gauntlet down with Lefty: either we're dating or I'm banging someone else. Take it or leave it.