suspiciously absent: the american way
July 02, 2006, 10:36 pm

The transcript is a conversation that occurred today during our viewing of Superman Returns. If you want to see the movie, please be aware there are spoilers ahead.

Me: Wait a minute, Clark Kent's mom is dead.
Thumper: How do you know?
Me: Superman III...duh.
Thumper: His dad died.
Me: That was the first one; Lana Lang says she's sorry his mom died in III.
Thumper: Was that the one where they blow up the White House?
Me: No, that was II, with General Zod.
Person In Front of Us: Shhhh.
Us: Sorry.
Thumper: Then what was the one with Nuclear Man.
Me: That was IV.
Thumper: And Richard Pryor?
Me: That was III...with the scary robot lady.
Thumper: Oh yeah.

*Movie continues*

Thumper: WAIT! Didn't she know he was Superman already?
Me: I think she forgot at the end of II or something.
Thumper: Are you sure?
Me: No...wait, HOW COULD SHE FORGET THAT SHE VISITED THE FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE?!?!
Person In Front of Us: Shut up.
Me: Sorry.
Thumper: She's sorry.

*Movie continues*

Me: Mmmm, he's dreamy.
Thumper: He's pretty hot, but Christopher Reeve was hotter.

*Movie continues*

Me: Wait...didn't she do that in the first one?
Thumper: But she's not the same lady.
Me: Yeah, and Lex Luthor wasn't Kevin Spacey either.
Thumper: He took the kryptonine off his neck in that one.

*Movie continues*

Me: How can he touch that big rock?! It's all kryptonite!
Thumper: No, just those shards, see?
Me: And was does Kumar have no lines?
Thumper: Oh, Taj from Van Wilder?
Me: Yeah.
Thumper: I don't know, Maybe he's like Zod's henchman from the second one.
Me: Good point.

*Movie ends*

Me: Did you like it?
Thumper: Yeah, did you?
Me: Yeah.
Thumper: I didn't like Lois Lane.
Me: Superman is dreamy.
Thumper: She's wasn't as crazy as Margot Kidder.
Me: Yeah, like I wouldn't buy that she'd throw herself off into a river to get him to prove he's Superman.
Thumper: But she knew Clark was Superman.
Me: Not until II, and then she forgot.
Thumper: Right.
Me: Let's go home and watch the third one.
Thumper: Okay.

And we did.