the secret can finally be revealed
April 08, 2003, 11:06 pm

I know I bitch about boys in here a lot, and how I can't ever find what I want, and how CNET doesn't like me and blah blah blah blah blah, but it's all been fake. I'm living a lie that I cannot contain any longer. I'm happy to tell you that I'm completely, totally, and desperately in love. I didn't want anyone to know about it until now.

How did we meet? Well, it's a funny story...at the beginning of the summer, a coworker told me to check him out, kind of like a blind date. I declined, telling her I was too busy; I wasn't really interested, to tell you the truth. He just wasn't my type.

A few weeks ago I accidentally bumped into him, and he asked me out. It was a slow process, getting to know him, but once we were together for one whole afternoon, I was hooked.

His name is Joe Morelli, and he's a cop. He's smart in that "detective" type of way. He has a bad boy streak with good boy charm. He's gifted in bed. He's hot beyond belief, and he's always around when I need him.

He also solely exists on the pages of the silly mystery novels I've been devouring lately.

Yeah, I've been reading Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum novels. Let the witch-burning begin.

The truth is, I didn't really get into the first one because well, I wasn't consumed by reading it. It takes me a while to get into these type of things, and then I had a few hours, and I loved the first book, and then one thing led to another...

I found myself in Border's last Wednesday amidst my most crucial nerve-bending meltdown. I decided that my most blatant display of consumerism was the only salve for my stress-laden, broken heart. In a moment of weakness, I chose fluffy fun over ingratiating self-analysis in the form of books two and three.

Teetering up to the counter, I felt my face grow hot as the clerk skipped the scanner over my purchases' spines. My eyes were brimming with tears sending the silent message My God, please know that I'm just going through a rough time right now. I swear, I swear I'll buy Siddartha or Ulysses next time I'm in here, just let me have these hilariously funny and easy-to-read books tonight, please?

Saturday daytime, I finished both of them, having the best day I've had in MONTHS. I did absolutely jacksquat but read in my bed. It was heaven.

Last night, after buying my mom a birthday present, I indulged myself and bought books four, five, and six.

Yes, I have more important things to do. Yes, I should be concentrating on the things that are raising my blood-pressure and which are important to my job and my students and everyone else...

but they're not Joe Morelli and his cop-hotness.

I'm disturbed that I find myself quivering in anticipation for his next appearance. I think my connection with him hinges on the entire fact that I picture him as someone else attainable and that's incredibly hot to me.

Or I'm just that weird.