i worry about myself
February 20, 2003, 12:01 pm

Thank you for your compliments on the new layout, but thank her instead. I think it's a bit more peppy and more my personality than the older one.

Ha ha ha. Eat it, suckers! No school tomorrow (again). This is fantastic.

So I couldn't fall asleep last night, which is an odd thing to comment on, because frankly, I've never been one to sleep at all. My dad always says that I "was the worst sleeper, ever." It's true. I was four years old and insisted upon staying awake well past midnight.

But recently, I've been sleeping okay. Probably because I've known that school has been canceled and there's nothing I can do but stay inside and read (almost finished About A Boy and am about to reread The Hours...good stuff). Last night was just a return to my usual sleeping habits.

I blame the lavender/vanilla pillow spray my sister nabbed from her stint as Bath and Body Works super seller. I also blame the fact that I just couldn't get comfortable, despite my awesome flannel sheets, fluffy down comforter, and super comfy mattress.

I watched Roman Holiday and read some more, then said hi to Yaya (who, at 3:15am and at 73, was still writing emails and playing solitaire...at least I come by my insomnia honestly), drank some water, and tossed and turned until I had to break out Thomas Hardy's Return of the Native to insure my eyelids to droop.

I worry about things before I go to sleep. I worry about my students: are they okay? What do they think of me? Are they pissed we're not performing this week? I worry about my money situation: SHIT! I forgot to pay my car payment (again). I worry about the movies I have yet to return to Blockbuster. I worry about CNET and what he thinks of me; I worry about my sisters and if they're happy, even if I disapprove (I've come to the conclusion I'm very prudish compared to them. Scary thought, I know.) I worry about my dad and if he'll have a heart-attack because he doesn't follow his diets and he works too hard. I worry about my mom and if she really wanted all of this or if she's depressed or if she has ever really gotten anything she's particularly wanted (it's tough to tell with her).

I worry that this cold sore has spread to the other side of my mouth and I know it's herpes but I'm scared that I got it from him and then I remember it's not genital herpes, right? so I'm okay. I got cold sores in 7th grade, so I've had this vein of it for a while. I worry about run-on sentences and what am I going to do with my life and will I ever regret the choices I've made because I'm still in this town and I still live at home (a great house, but home nonetheless) and will I settle for the wrong person for the wrong reasons.

I worry that I will be like my Grandma and worry about everything.

So, Ryan and Trista. *sigh* My estimation of Trista, I have to admit, has gone up a bit because frankly, she chose the nicest guy, but then I got to thinking: Ryan will shower her with all the attention that she needs and wants, but he'll never understand her like Charlie does. She can love Ryan all she wants because he's in awe of her; Charlie really would have been better for her because they're the same animal. Ryan would be much better suited for say, me. I bet you Jack gets his own Bachelor series.

"We ask for advice when what we really want is permission." --what a truism.

I've started writing trivia questions for this year's Oscar Bash, and there are some doozies, let me tell you.