the sputnik cafe is taunting me
March 26, 2003, 8:11 pm

Driving home tonight, I got those goose bumps you only get when it's raining, you're stuck in a traffic jam, and a great song comes on the radio that just captures the moment and briefly, oh so very briefly, the world makes sense. Okay, so maybe you don't get those particular types of goosebumps, but I do. The song was "Let It Be", and it pretty much encapsulates how I'm feeling about this war and everyone yelling about it and everyone fighting in it. I'm on the outside of having a deep-seeded opinion; I'm lucky. I take for granted my aloofedness in regards to all of this. I'm not particularly proud of my ignorance in this matter, but as I said before, I think, at this point, my energies and passions were focused elsewhere.

Just let it be.

My buddies Zak and Paul are coming to my classroom to talk to my kids about Shakespeare, do a few monologues, and perform a scene with me. Last year, it was undoubtedly the best day that I had in the classroom; I'm really looking forward to it.

I'm kind of subdued tonight. Blame it on the Beatles. Also blame it on the fact that despite my every intention, I wussed out by not going into the Sputnik Cafe, a seemingly underground-style eatery located about two miles from my house. There's something bewitching about its yellow and red geometric sign that greets me on my morning drive; maybe I'll go in tomorrow.

I'm not scared of the place per se; I'm scared of going in alone. A Starbucks you can go in alone and no one will bother you or think you bizarre. A semi-swanky cafe that boasts...well, I'm not sure what it's about, but still...I just know if I entered it and someone greeted me waiting for someone else to drop his name for me...I'd shrug the "uh, sorry, I'm a party of one tonight" shrug and grin my embarrassed grin.

What's a graceful exit if you enter a place alone, find out you don't want to be there, and then immediately leave? I mean, you're going to be "the girl who left without a date rather quickly." I'd rather not be pegged with the singleton moniker at this point in my life.

On the other hand, what if I wanted to take a friend there to experience it with me for the first time, and was awful? By virtue of its proximity to my house, wouldn't it fall under the category of "things associated with me that suck"? I'd be hesitant to put that kind of pressure on someone.

Nevermind, if I'm going into the Sputnik Cafe, I'm going alone. If it sucks, I'm the only person who will endure it, and I can stay for a bit and be miserable without the shame of the speedy-I-have-no-date-so-I-don't-feel-the-pressure-to-stay exit.

This is what I think about when traffic is barely creeping along.

After checking out the Sputnik Cafe website, I can see very clearly that that is no place for a single girl by herself. *sigh*

My hair is wrapped up in a C-47 (that's a clothespin for the uniniatated--sp?--film lover). It's the feel-good look of the spring.

It's not that I really, really want a relationship right now. No, I don't think I do. I'm sad that the standard by which all of my other relationships are judged is merely a hazy recollection of teenage infatuation; I'm troubled that, as I get older, I'm learning that there are no black and white areas, but so many variations of grey that I'm reluctant to stay my optimistic/idealistic self.